April 8, 2010 - Candee Anderson

April 8, 2010

Change! Most people do not like it and I am no exception!
Looking back on my life, I have discovered that change, good or bad, is an opportunity for growth. Growing pains usually sting a little bit, and I usually do one of two things, I get mad and grow bitter or I give it to God and something wonderful blooms. I wish I could sound really spiritual and say, “through the wisdom of my life, I tend to choose the blooming path,” but truthfully, I don’t.
God is so good and every time I let Him, He shows up in a big way! I heard about Him from my mama and daddy. They would pray with me before bed and sometimes after prayers my daddy would sing “Talk to the Man Upstairs.” Once I understood that the man upstairs was God, I could hardly wait to meet Him. I was a good little girl—well, that is my memory—and I knew I would get to meet God because I was good and this was a very safe feeling.
I was praised for being so good and this confirmed my feelings of goodness, purity and I was heaven-bound. Then one day the big change happened. I was only five and in kindergarten and was feeling pretty good and proud of myself. The first time I can pinpoint pride, you know, the wrong side of spirituality. I was with my mother in Safeway dancing behind the buggy to the background music playing over the loud speaker, when all of a sudden we passed my favorite candy—it was Brach’s Cinnamon red candy and I wanted one, but my mom said “no.” I did not understand, and as we went down the next aisle, that candy started calling my name.
All of a sudden a list of reasons why I should have that candy started listing itself off to me before I could stop it. I danced my way back to that candy, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and I took it. I ran to hide and eat my prize. As I unwrapped and tasted my favorite candy, cinnamon never tasted so bitter and so bad. At once I knew how Eve must have felt as she bit that apple. I knew in that minute that my life was changed forever. I could not put the candy in the wrapper or back in the bin. Guilt had entered my life and there was nothing I could do but wear it. If only I could take it off but I did not know how. I now knew I would not be meeting the man upstairs. I prayed in private after my parents prayed with me and I told God I was sorry and did not want to go to hell. I could not tell my mama and daddy because I felt so sorry for them because their child was going to hell. I carried the shame until the first grade—a year is a long time!
One day, while driving home with my mama, I burst into tears explaining to my mother why her child would not be going to heaven. God was so good to give me the perfect parents for me. She let me finish my fit and then the look in her eyes and the words she spoke were surprising and life-changing. No judgment, no fear, I was only seeing and hearing love, compassion and forgiveness.
“Candee, remember about Easter? Well, it is not about the bunny. Jesus always knew you would take that candy and He loves you so much He stood in for you and died on the cross just so you could meet his Father, the Man Upstairs.”
I cannot express the weight that lifted off my six year old shoulders. Yes, change can seem bad. Stealing is not something I recommend but giving my sin to God and receiving His grace still blooms in me today.

Candee Anderson