May 13, 2010 - Julie Martin

Change has been the essence of what this year has looked like. There is change that is inevitable. And also changes that are uncontrollable. If you finish school, you have to transition to a new part of life, whatever that may entail. If you get let go from a job, you have to transition into a new working environment. If a friend says goodbye, you have to take it and run with it, it is out of your control. These are things that have happened to me in the course of the past year.

In the beginning of this year during working transitions, I clung to what I knew. I clung to a person I felt cared deeply about me, I clung to a ministry I knew loved me. I clung to coworkers. I clung to my two roommates. I clung to anything that could give me a moment of strength. Until that person said goodbye. Until that ministry had no space for me anymore. Until my job had to let me go and provided me a new opportunity with new coworkers. Until my new supervisor had to change positions. I fell in a pit because everything I clung to was fading away. All my yokes untied. I was begging for mercy from anyone who would look my way. Anyone except the One who was begging with me and pleading with me to grab hold of His hand and take me out of the pit.

Through this season of changing and transitioning, He has used it to bring healing of my fears. The fears of rejection and abandonment that have been deeply rooted for years. The fears of inadequacy. He has stripped out everything I was clinging to. He has asked me to step into this walk with Him. That His yoke (compared to my many other yokes) was Easy and Light! That He would never have to leave me or hurt me. That He is the good shepherd, leading through pastures. Leading through valleys all the while providing the nourishment I need to grow and thrive and be at peace with myself. That He loves me with an everlasting love. That He has purpose and vision for me.

The inevitable/uncontrollable changes of this life has brought much pain, but through that pain I have been able to find the One who can satisfy and bring me out of my doubts, fears and insecurities. He is the one who will comfort me and protect me and provide for me.

I am still very much walking through this. It is day by day, minute by minute trust that He is enough for me. I have to consciously remind myself that I am a beautiful child of God. That I am created for purpose. The journey is not simple, but it is worth it. He is chiseling away creating my character for purpose. He is good, not safe, but good.

Julie Martin