May 5, 2010 - Mary Lloyd Leblanc

May 5, 2010

I was lost.
Distracted by a good looking guy in uniform that made my heart jump, I unconsciously began to shift the direction of my heart. I lived for the next letter, phone call, and visit. My lack of control in our long distance relationship began to affect my thoughts, actions, and eating habits. I lived life going through the motions-mentally absent from any other thoughts besides him. I was happily unhappy. I could see the concern on the faces of my parents and friends, which only drove me further away because I thought I knew what was best for me. Looking back, I recognize the Lord’s presence in the concerned faces, wanting me to be captured in His love- I knew I would have had to end the relationship and cause pain to someone I loved, so I rejected God and dug myself a deeper hole. I separated myself from the people who truly cared about me which lead to me being resistant to their love all together. Not only did I disappear emotionally and mentally, but also physically. I developed an obsession with not eating and feeling empty. I lived in the imagined fairy tale that resembled something that you would see in a movie, happily in love and picture perfect. After high school, I would take online classes while he was still in the Army and we’d get married and go back to his hometown to settle down and live happily ever after. I had lost faith, my identity, and a big piece of my heart. It was about this time, I would say that I reached my rock bottom. I was in the pits, but God was greater. I don’t remember specifically how he began to speak truth into my heart, but He did- praise God! At about this time I was headed to Ceta Canyon, Texas for One Way camp where I received the full impact of His great love and truth. He strengthened me at camp to end the infecting relationship.
Through that year-long relationship, God taught me so much. When I was in my lifeless pit, he lifted up my chin and gave me hope. There is light that is at the top of every bottom; there is no hole too deep that light cannot reach.
I am now about to dive into a great adventure with God as I answer the call to missions He has placed on my life. In October, I will be attending a mission training school with the organization YWAM (Youth With a Mission). I will be training at the base in Lausanne, Switzerland for the first 3 months and will spend the last 3 months in another country on an outreach. I tell you this to reveal to you the great depths of a life the Lord is capable of transforming.
The Almighty Creator of universe, Creator of every country, soul, and spirit has and still is changing me-a selfish, stubborn, hardened person- through his awesome, sinless son Jesus Christ. I was completely lost in the empty pursuit of finding happiness though everything but my Savior, but now I am caught in His perfect embrace.

Mary Lloyd Leblanc