April 19, 2010 - Add Goff

April 19, 2010

I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the sticky mud. He stood me on a rock and made my feet steady….Happy is the person who trusts in the Lord…. Psalm 40:1-4. (New Century Version).

Sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug. For the last several years, I have felt like I was the bug. When would I be able to be the windshield? Although I was in a wonderful marriage, the other parts of my life were not going so well. The despair and depression from the years before my recent marriage continued to hang around. The void inside me grew. I could not get rid of it. I suffered set back after set back.

Reliance on my own abilities and self was not working to get me out of the hole I was in. With my shiny shovels labeled pride and control (and others), I thought I could dig myself out of the hole. “I can accomplish anything I put my mind to,” I would tell myself. “I have a wall full of plaques and certificates to prove it.” Instead, I was just digging my hole deeper.

In hindsight, it looks foolish. When you’re on the outside looking in, it’s easy to give advice – even spiritual advice. However, from the perspective of someone in the hole, it’s easier said than done. We, especially men, have been conditioned to suck it up and not say “ouch.” Big boys don’t cry, right? (Perhaps our hesitance to say “ouch” stems from a fear of how we would be perceived if we were to show weakness and let our guards down. Who knows? I am sure there are a hundred or more sociology or psychology books in the library that explain why and how. The important thing is that it’s a fact.)

What was I going to do? Only when I hit bottom and could dig no more did I look elsewhere for help. Only when the hurt and despair outweighed the fear of saying “ouch” was I able to look up out of the hole. Only when I put pride aside and waved the white flag was I able to see the hand reaching down for me. I reached up with both of my hands, submitted, and let myself be pulled out of the hole. I was held tight. For the first time in my life, I was able to truly feel and appreciate God’s love, forgiveness, and grace.

Even though I had always been told “Never, never, never give up” and “Quitters never win, and winners never quit,” I have learned that turning to God is neither giving up, nor quitting. God wants us to come to Him when we’re hurting. It’s okay to say “ouch.”

Add Goff