April 18, 2010 - Lee Ann Toliver

April 18, 2010

I grew up across the river from Natchez, MS in a small town named Waterproof, LA. I was the 5th generation on our family land, Highland Plantation. My father believed greatly in being active in our Methodist church and in the value of a strong work ethic.
When each of us children entered the 4th grade, we were given the opportunity to participate in a 4-H livestock animal show. We were taken to a livestock sale to select our animal of choice…mine would be two lambs (Albert and Betsy, to be exact). My livestock project would turn into a head of about 50 sheep that I alone was responsible for. I remember one particular hard winter in which there was an ice storm and a lengthy power-outage. I was 11 years old, but very familiar with getting up at 4:45 every school morning to take care of my flock. However, this specific morning was a challenge. It was lambing season. One of Betsy’s twin lambs had died and April was attempting a breach delivery. On top of that, my father was on a trip to Australia. I remember feeling a sense of panic and despair. I won’t go into the details of how the situation was resolved, but April produced Sylvester Stallone (because he had a “rocky” start!)

That spring would find me quite gloomy. I remember feeling a sense of negativity that I just couldn’t shake. I did, however, notice on my way to feed the flock one Saturday morning, blossoms on the trees, busy bees, wildflowers and the sweet smell of the fresh rich soil. As I finished my chores and turned my sheep out to pasture, something amazing happened. The new lambs began to jump straight up into the air as if they had springs on their feet (like joeys from a kangaroo convention.) For several minutes I watched in total amazement. They were so incredibly joyous. I remember that being a very profound moment for me. How transforming God is. The gloom lifted. I had taken on such a sense of “winter”, I had strapped on those boots and worn them so well that I had set aside the spirit of spring…of new birth…hope…forgiveness…newness…and joy. I claimed that day from God. I remember singing “I once was lost but now I’m found.” I vowed to make my life include the “spirit of the lamb.” Did I mention that Sylvester Stallone was leading the pack?!

Flashing forward to about 4 years ago, my daughter asked for a pet. The low-maintenance cat was the pet of choice. My daughter, Carlie, and I went to the Humane Society. I remember my sister in Ohio (owner of 5 cats) telling me to select a cat with a very social and playful disposition. As we sat on the floor playing with the cats, we noticed one hiding under a bench. When I pulled her out and into my lap we noticed all the other cats walking by to swat at her! So, what did we do? We adopted her! We watched Cierra over the course of about a year and a half come out of her shell as she developed a trust in us. I will always wonder what happened in her past to make her so unsure of her environment.

Cierra was an “inside only” cat until one day when a certain nameless family member accidentally left the back door open. Day turned to night and night to day, but still no Cierra. Flyers and ads…still no Cierra. I began asking God to please take care of this poor lost cat and bring her home. This was all during a time in my life when I had prayed a very specific prayer with no answer. Along the way I had been diagnosed with some life altering health issues that I would have to learn to live with. I couldn’t help but wonder if God had forgotten about me. It was so deafeningly silent. Were my prayers insignificant? After 2 and a half weeks of Cierra being gone, I remember pulling out my Bible for a daily read. After I had finished I fell on my knees in tears crying out and begging God to let me know if He was still there and to “please show me a sign that you claim me.” I immediately heard something outside that caught my attention. I opened the door …and there was Cierra.

Now, I remind myself that God has his own clock and is ever-present all the time to all of us, transforming us when we open our eyes to see “the spirit of the Lamb.”

Lee Ann Toliver