April 28, 2010 - Julie Graham

April 28, 2010

I have a dear friend who I have known for most of my life. During the course of our friendship, we have weathered the storms of sickness, death, and family drama; and we have celebrated births, reunions and the joy of being friends. She and I have spent hours talking about our lives and the people in it. (Notice I said “the people in it.” I’ll get back to that in a minute.)

I thought I knew all there was to know about my friend until she called me one morning. She called to share something with me that she could not find in her heart to forgive herself for. I immediately disagreed and started covering her with every good thing I knew about God. I shared His goodness and His mercy and His grace. I looked up scriptures about His forgiveness. I reminded her that we are all sinners and we all fall short of the grace of God.

Please hear me when I say that I didn’t do any of these things because I am a great person. God loves me and my love for Him makes it easier to love others. But when I’m completely honest about it, it is easier for me to love and not judge those whom I already love. The people who I don’t love, or really don’t even like…well, there is an entirely different story.

A few weeks after this conversation, I came across a quote:

“Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.”
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

When I first read this quote, I wondered how two people could possibly discuss that many ideas. What in the world would you talk about if not the events and people in your lives?

After a while, I heard God’s voice whisper to me, “Julie, how can you extend God’s grace to your friend so easily and yet judge and criticize others who have done far less?”

In that moment, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on my head. I realized that many of our conversations were shallow and, if I’m honest, at times unkind and even judgmental. God reminded me of my long list of flaws and my absolute lack of right to judge anyone. I finally saw that many of the conversations veiled as “prayer requests” or “concerns” about other people were simply not necessary. Sure, we absolutely need to pray for others, but I realized that we didn’t need to elaborate on all of the details. God already knows those details and our talking about them just gave us fuel for the fire. He helped me see that I wasn’t loving others the way Christ does.

The most awesome transformation has taken place in my relationship with my friend! Those “ideas” that I couldn’t figure out how to discuss before, are flowing forth from both of us like water. Instead of talking about people and events, we talk about cool devotions we have read or a scripture that has touched our hearts. We talk about our daily walk with God and how He is blessing us and answering our prayers. And God has tendered my heart towards other people so that now I try hard to “be kinder than necessary and remember that everyone is fighting some kind of battle.” (Anonymous)

Sharing God’s love with my friend at that time was easy for me because of my deep commitment to her. Unfortunately, extending that grace to others is something that has not come easily for me in the past. I keep striving to be the person God is calling me to be…loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled (Gal. 5: 22-23). There are still many times when I find myself drifting back to my old ways. But God is faithful to give me a gentle nudge and make me uncomfortable with the direction of a conversation, or the hardness of my heart.

I still fall short…and I always will. But God is always there. I am thankful for each new day and each opportunity to try to be the person He has called me to be.

Julie Graham