April 16, 2010 - Jennifer Banks

April 16, 2010
January 23, 2009 was a day that changed my life, in so many ways, forever. When I awoke in the recovery room to find that I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39, I could not imagine how we could get through such a terrible situation. My life and my family would never be the same. The “How’s”, “Why’s”, and “What Now’s” take over your thoughts and emotions. I had no family history, keep a healthy diet, and stay physically active. As I think back, much is a blur, however the vivid memory of feeling so helpless still stings to this day.
The first few weeks were the toughest emotionally. I needed a plan. I needed answers (both medically and spiritually). Having to wait on this test and that surgery was not good enough. My answer from God as to why this was happening was not coming as I desired. I wanted someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. No, I take that back, I did have people tell me I was going to be ok – I wanted to know that everything was going to be ok.
Through much prayer and through the support of such wonderful friends and family, our family made it through those terrible first few weeks/months. Certainly there were ups and downs, however, I eventually realized that life was not over, it was just changed. So many scriptures come to mind that have given me comfort, but the one that has shown up in so many different situations is Isaiah 43. God has shown me in so many ways how wonderful life really is and that he is with us in good times and bad.
Two weeks before I was diagnosed, I completed Journey through the Bible, a year-long study, which is the first time that I have ever read the Bible in its entirety (thanks Andy!). I believe that God used this year to prepare me spiritually for the year I was about to spend fighting cancer. I can’t imagine going through this without such a solid knowledge of God’s love for His children. I know that God does not cause bad things to happen to people, and he’s always there to love and protect us as we deal with the trials of life. If someone reading this has ever thought about furthering their understanding of God’s love through a study such as this, please accept this as my full endorsement!
When asked how difficult this year has been, my only response can be is that this has been the most important year of my life. For every difficult surgery (six in total), for the months of chemotherapy, and for each uncomfortable side effect from continual medications, there have been just as many, if not more, of the most amazing sun rises and sunsets. I’ve found the simple joy in laughing with my kids, having meaningful conversations with my husband (that don’t deal with silly gossip) and furthering my understanding of God’s love through devotionals and Bible studies. Our family has made a commitment to remember God’s love not only in bad times, but to rejoice in the good times.
In summary, unfortunately some that read this letter will also have to deal with a similar situation, perhaps even breast cancer. I’m not sure what we would have done without the love and support from our friends at Trinity. Many of you have no idea what your cards, meals, visits and prayers meant to us. We will never forget. If you find yourself in a similar situation and want medical advice, see Kerry, he thinks he’s researched enough to be on staff at MD Anderson. If anyone ever just needs someone to visit with, feel free to track me down.
Fyi - To date, I still have not received that message from God telling me why this happened to me – in fact, I’ve stopped asking. I just know he is with me all the way.

Jennifer Banks